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Cardiff University

Translated by H. A. Hodges

IIIIII | IV | V | VIVIIVIII

 

LETTER I

Ann Thomas to John Hughes

28 November 1800

Dear brother,

     I have had this opportunity to send you these few lines, in order to show my readiness to receive and answer your substantial letter, as I fully believe that it was in the field of Boaz that you gleaned the ears of corn, so full and so charged with blessing, which you sent me, bidding me rub them and feed on them; and I think they had so much effect on my mind as to make me sigh for the Rock, for you could not have sent anything more pertinent to my condition, as was your intention, because you knew more of my story in all its troubles than anyone else.
     I am glad, glad, to hear of your perseverance in meditation on your condition and in the Word, and I wish you prosperity in all.
As for us at Pontrobert, in bodily health as usual; spiritually, the seiat as a body is much more alert, and the ministry generally full of unction.
     I have not much to say at present about any persons in particular, but I should be glad to relate how it is with me. I have had some very smart trials, and strong winds, to the point that I almost lost my breath on the slopes; but I considered myself to be pulled up the hill by the following two chains: ‘And a Man shall be as an hiding place,’ &c.; ‘Come, my people, — and hide thyself,’ &c. It was calm and warm for a time.
     I have had another trial concerning spending time in the Church of God, deciding my religion to be based on false motives from the start, and thinking of giving up. I was lifted up thus: ‘Seeing, then, that we have a great High Priest,’ &c. But at present, very cloudy and doubtful regarding my matter, with the question beating upon my mind whether a true work has been begun in me or not. But in the face of everything, I say this: ‘Though he slay me,’ &c.
     We have had precious privileges in these past days, the ordinance twice, with a sweet savour at the breaking of the bread.
     Dear brother, I was glad to hear the point about the circumstances of God’s Church being made manifest to those who profess faith, because I think this is not altogether strange to me in these turbulent days of the winnowing of Zion. All awakened Christians are specially bound in this matter to grieve over the sight of ‘the stones of the sanctuary in the top of every street’, such as adultery, theft and the like. I desire of you also to take the bride of the Lamb to the throne of grace. Sigh much for her restoration. Commend her to her Bridegroom, since ‘God will not cast away his people which he foreknew’, because the covenant is a covenant by oath, although she is a whore.
     Two scriptures have been particularly on my mind, one was mentioned above, and the other is this: ‘The cup is in the hand of the Lord, and the wine is red; it is full mixed, and it is poured out of the same; and all the ungodly of the earth shall drink the lees thereof.’ Light dawned on my mind; for if one of the cups that are spoken of is poured out, the children will only be purged, because they are in a Father’s hand. But let us pray often for help to suffer the treatment, be it bitter as it may, to bring us to our place.
     Now I will close; and this from your fellow-pilgrim on the journey to eternity.

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER II

Ann Thomas to John Hughes

17 February 1801

Dear brother in the Lord,

     I have had an opportunity to send you these lines, to let you know that I have received your letters kindly, hoping that the weighty things contained in them will find a place in my mind.
     I am glad to hear of how things are with you also in relation to your condition. Precious is ‘a friend who sticks close’, as you say.
     A word gripped my mind, which it would perhaps be worth while for me to mention, on the matter: ‘Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these?’ I thought that there was need to pass beyond brethren and graces, and love the Giver above the gift.
     Another word gripped my mind: ‘Buy the truth, and sell it not.’ It came to my mind that I was content to give all that I possessed, be it good or evil, for the Son in a marriage union. I think that every idle word, and all levity of spirit, and all behaviour which appears contrary to gospel holiness, is a total denial that we know Jesus Christ. But in the face of our great wretchedness, how precious it is to think of that word: ‘The Lord turned, and looked upon Peter.’
     I am cheered by the thought that a sinner is free to speak so much of Jesus Christ before the throne of grace, with heaven smiling and hell trembling. Let us magnify our privilege that we have known something of the effects of the eternal covenant decreed above. O to remain under the drops of the sanctuary until the evening, and to acknowledge that they have been purchased by blood. This would make sinners drop to the dust. O to be at the feet of our good God as long as we are in the world.
     Now, I will send you some account of the seiat at Pontrobert. In general quite bedewed and quite awake as regards the greater part of the church at present. I think she is no stranger to the wine which is distributed among the disciples here on their journey.
     If I should tell how it is with me, I should wish to speak well of God for remembering me in the face of many doubts. I have never seen so much cause to cry out for the Rock in all weathers; and whether I die or live, this is my cry: O to ‘be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law’.
     I have heard a parable of a shopkeeper who went to Chester to buy two hundred pounds’ worth of goods; he received an invoice; it hung in the shop, naming and detailing the goods; and a man came in and asked for a crown’s worth of one of them; he replied, ‘I have not got a pennyworth of it.’ Though many may make a grand show in the profession of religion, yet in the face of temptation you ask, ‘Where is their faith?’ A shout arose: ‘Little children, cry for the wagon to come home; it is heavily laden, namely ministers of the Word.’
     Now I shall close; and this from one who longs to desire the prosperity of those who journey to Zion.

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER III

Ann Thomas to John Hughes


Dear brother,

     I have had this opportunity to write to you, hoping you are well, and to let you know I have received your valuable letter. I would wish that you would not neglect to send things that are profitable, and not pay attention to our own neglectfulness, because you know the cause, a lack of having hardly anything of value to send.
     Dear brother, I should have been glad to see you many times when in distress of mind and gnawed by doubts of the verity of the visitations, and the partial revelation of a Mediator, in view of a damnable, lost condition. And despite trying many roads, failing to achieve my purpose. But on the road of meditation I had a lesson from the advice given to Moses by his father-in-law, to appoint sixty elders to judge the people in cases which were commonplace and evident, but to bring the great and obscure cases to him. I thought it necessary for my perplexing condition to pass beyond ‘the watchmen that go about the city’, and everyone, to God alone. It is a comfort to me to think of this: when my condition is at its darkest to me and my brethren, it is clear daylight in the court of the High Priest. Thanks always for this!
     I have found much pleasure in meditating on the Shunammite woman setting aside a room on the wall for the man of God to rest in when he passed by, placing in it a bed, a table, a stool and a candlestick. Perhaps that woman, in her longing for the prophet, often paced the room, and found cheer in expectation of the man. But be that as it may, it comforts the heart of a believer, in the absence of the visible countenance of his Lord, that the furniture is still there in some senses. For one thing, it is a sign that he has not been given up. For another thing, it is too hot a lodging for a devil. ‘When the enemy shall come in like a strong river, the Spirit of the Lord shall chase him out.’ He cannot so much as raise his head in the temple of God without trembling, nor look upon anything within it, except his own footprints, without great fear. Therefore let us cry often for the Holy Spirit to make his home in our condition.
     Dear brother, things are somewhat dark at present with the church at Pontrobert, under fire from the world, and backsliders. I found great pleasure one evening in view of these things in thinking what the Holy Spirit says of her. Two scriptures were on my mind: ‘Glorious things are spoken of thee, O city of God’; ‘The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty.’
     This at present from your sister,

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER IV

Ann Thomas to John Hughes


Dear brother,

     I have been very glad many times to send to tell you how things are with me. I have received much pleasure and blessing from reading your letters, which moves me very strongly to beg you earnestly not to withhold your hand.
     Dear brother, the warfare is as hot now as ever, enemies within, enemies without. But of them all, it is the sin of the mind which presses most heavily upon me.
     I find particular pleasure today in thinking of that word: ‘And to Jesus, the Mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling.’ Something new from loving the doctrine of purification. That word is on my mind: ‘And the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.’ I have never had a greater longing to be pure. That word is on my mind: ‘The house, when it was in building, was built of stones that had been fully dressed.’ I sometimes think I have no need ever to change my garment, but a longing to be pure in my garment.
     I should be well pleased to abide more in the sanctuary, as you mentioned so fully and valuably. I often expect to encounter some troublesome weather, though I do not know what. That word is on my mind tonight: ‘By this shall the iniquity of Jacob be purged,’ &c. O for help to abide with God, whatever may come my way! And thanks always that the furnace and the fountain are so close to one another!
     There is nothing else in particular on my mind at present, but remember about me often, and send to me soon.
     I am, your unworthy sister who loves your prosperity in body and spirit,

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER V

Ann Thomas to John Hughes


Dear brother in the Lord,

     I am writing to you at present because it is the tenor of my mind, in the face of all kinds of weather, to tell you how it is with me, dear brother.
     Dear brother, the most particular thing that is on my mind is the great obligation I am under to be grateful to the Lord for upholding me in the face of the winds and the flood waters. I can say that my thoughts have never been seized by the same degree of fear as in these days; but in the face of everything I think to hang quietly upon that precious promise: ‘When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee.’ I think it is enough to support me in the place where two seas meet. Thanks always for a God who fulfils his promises!
     Dear brother, the most pressing thing that is on my mind is the sinfulness of letting any visible thing take precedence in my mind. I am reverently ashamed, and rejoice in wonder, to think that ‘he for whom it is a condescension to look upon the things that are in heaven’ has yet given himself as an object of love to a creature as vile as I.
     As regards the dishonour done to God by giving the first place to secondary things, this simply is my mind: if nature must needs be pressed into the grasp of death because it is too weak to bear the fiery rays of the sun of temptations, I sometimes think I will gladly see myself stripped of my natural life (if need be) rather than that glory should go under a cloud while nature gets its pomp and its objects.
     That word is on my mind tonight: ‘Go forth, O ye daughters of Zion, and behold king Solomon with the crown wherewith his mother crowned him in the day of his espousals, and in the day of the gladness of his heart.’ I think there is a high and peculiar calling for all who are subjects of the covenant to leave their own ‘panneled houses’ to see their King ‘wearing the crown of thorns, and the purple robe’.
     No wonder the sun hid its rays when its Creator was pierced by nails. To my mind it is a marvel who was on the cross: he whose eyes are as a flame of fire piercing through heaven and earth at the same moment unable to see his creatures, the work of his hands. My mind is too overwhelmed for me to say anything more on the matter. But on looking at the majesty of the Person, it is no wonder that that word has been set down: ‘The Lord will be well pleased for his righteousness’ sake; he will magnify the law, and make it honourable.’
     Dear brother, it is no wonder that that word has been set down: ‘Kiss the Son, lest he be angry.’
     Dear brother, there is nothing particular on my mind to enlarge upon at present. But this I will say in conclusion: I desire that the remaining part of my life should be a communion so close that it might never again be my part to say, ‘I will go and return.’ I should think, if only this could be, I should be calm to meet providence in its frown and its crosses.
     I desire a special place in your prayers. Remember to send soon. I am longing for a letter.
     I am, your loving sister,

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER VI

Ann Thomas to John Hughes

[April 1802]

Dear brother and father in the Lord,

     I received your letter yesterday, and I was very glad to have it, hoping that the valuable things which are in it will be of blessing to me. I was very glad of the scripture which you remarked upon in my brother’s letter.
     But to proceed to tell you something of how things are with me at present. I have been finding it very stormy for a long time now. Very many disappointments in myself continually. But I must say this, that all trials, all winds of whatever sort, work together thus, namely to bring me to see more of my wretched condition by nature, and more of the Lord in his goodness and unchangeableness towards me.
     I have lately been particularly far gone in spiritual whoredom from the Lord, while yet holding up in the face of the ministry like one keeping house well and remaining in the fellowship. But despite all my skill the Lord of his goodness broke through in these words: ‘If I be a Father, where is mine honour? if I be a Master, where is my fear?’ Thanks to God always for the pills of heaven to send the sickness on its way.
     My stomach was so weak that I could not feed on free mercy, in view of the path I was following – ‘having forsaken God, the fountain of all real consolations, and hewn out for myself broken cisterns’. This word lifted me somewhat on my feet again: ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.’ I going astray, he a Shepherd; I powerless to return, he an almighty Lord. O Rock of our salvation, wholly self-dependent in the matter of saving sinners! Dear brother, I should wish to be for ever under the treatment, be it as bitter as it may.
     Another word was a particular blessing to me lately when I tried to speak to the Lord about the various things which were calling me to go after them. This is the word: ‘Look unto me, all the ends of the earth, that ye may be saved: for I am God, and no one else.’ As if God were saying, ‘I know of every call that is upon you, and how various they are; but I also am calling. World is but world, flesh is but flesh, devil is but devil. It is I who am God, and no one else.’
     I am under obligation to be grateful for the Word in its invincible authority. I should heartily wish to give all the praise to God the Word alone for leading me and upholding me thus far, and that what remains of my life should be spent in abiding communion with God in his Son, because I can never glorify him more than, or so much as, by believing and accepting his Son. Heaven help me to do this! – not for my own pleasure alone, but out of reverence for him.
     Dear brother, there is not much else on my mind to expand upon, but think often of Zion throughout the world, and in particular your dear old mother at Pontrobert, for the shades of evening are almost covering her, and grey hairs are spreading over her, and in a small measure she knows this. This word is much on my mind, and on the minds of others too, at the sight of her weak, disorderly, dejected appearance: ‘Is this Naomi?’ Wrestle much with the Lord in prayer for her sake, as a body of witnesses for God in the world, because his great Name is in some measure being concealed by her in our backslidings.
     Dear brother, I am very glad to hear how things are in relation to your new work. Two scriptures have been on my mind on the matter, one: ‘Thus shall it be done unto the man whom the king delighteth to honour’; and the other: ‘Surely the Lord’s anointed is before me – but God sees not as man sees,’ that is why it was necessary to send for David.
     I will close now, with a request that you send to me speedily.
     I am, your unworthy sister who is running swiftly towards the world that lasts for ever,

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER VII

Ann Thomas to John Hughes

Dear brother,

     I have had an opportunity to send these few lines to you, to let you know that I received your letter kindly, and to greet you in obedience to the exhortation which it contained; but not only that, but I am glad to be able to send to you regarding my present situation.
     Dear brother, I have never conversed personally or in a letter with such a low view of my religion as this time. I feel ashamed as I say this, because my view has been for so long so different to this word which first broke through to me: ‘I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength.’ Thanks to God for ever for taking his precious Word in his hand to discipline me! I reverently believe that it is so, and from that time until tonight I believe that the blows of the sledge-hammer are to some degree at the one ‘root of bitterness’ of self-esteem and pride which troubles me. Yet, more of my lost condition has been revealed to me of late than ever, and more of the glory of the wise design to justify the ungodly, and of ‘God in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them’.
     This is often my task at the throne of grace: wondering, giving thanks, and praying. Wondering that the Word should have found a way to treat the condition of such a damnable, corrupt and guileful wretch as I, without slaying me. Thanks for the lawfulness of the way, and because it glorifies its Author, more than because it rewards its travellers. I pray for the privilege of spending the remainder of my days as a life of dealing with God in his Son.
     I would be very glad to be prevented from ever venturing to offer to God’s holy law less than that which has satisfied it; not only because it will not accept anything else, but out of reverence for it. I never before knew so much reverence towards and love for the law, not in spite of the fact that it brings a curse, but just because it brings a curse in every place outside of a Mediator. Thus it shows its perfection.
     Dear brother, I was glad to read the letter you sent to my brother, and the one to my dear friend, Sara Griffiths, and their valuable exhortations in relation to reading the Word. I too think, whatever we may have in hand apart from the Word, that we are ‘spending our money for that which is not bread, and our labour for that which satisfieth not’; because the stomach of the new nature cannot agree with anything else, and all climates bring illness except the breezes of the sanctuary.
     These words are of great value in my estimation — ‘Thy neck is like the tower of David; wherein there hang a thousand shields’ – in the face of being naked without arms and without strength in ourselves to meet our enemies. If I may only turn to the tower, I shall find there armour and strength to run through faith in him, for ‘it pleased the Father that in him should all fulness dwell’. Another word is on my mind: ‘A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse.’
     Dear brother, I am under great obligation, if I could, to speak well of God, and to be grateful to him for a measure of communion in ‘the fellowship of the mystery’. But this is my grief: failing to abide – continually departing. I see my loss is great; but the dishonour and disrespect to God is greater. O for this: help to abide. This word has been much on my mind: ‘Meditate upon these things, and in these things abide.’
     Dear brother, there is nothing else in particular on my mind, but to desire you to send me your thoughts on this word: ‘ In all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.’
     Two other scriptures are on my mind in relation to Zion being in such a low state in these days:
     1. ‘How is the gold become dim, the most fine gold!’
     2. ‘How is the princess amongst the provinces become a tributary!’
There are some woeful signs that grey hairs have been spreading in great measure over Zion in these days and that the shades of the evening almost cover her. All awakened souls are under obligation to wrestle much with the Lord, that he may send his winds upon his withered garden, ‘that the spices thereof may be spread abroad’, so that hell and all its subjects may lose their breath through the strength of the perfume.
     Now to conclude. I desire you to remember me before the throne of grace. I desire you to send to me at the first opportunity.
     And this from your unworthy sister who is swiftly travelling through a world of time to the world which lasts forever,

ANN THOMAS, Dolwar

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LETTER VIII

Ann Thomas to Elizabeth Evans

Dearest sister in the Lord,

     In accordance with your wish I have written these few lines to you, and I am very glad to have an opportunity to make known to you how things are with me.
     Dear sister, the most outstanding thing that is on my mind at present as a subject has to do with grieving the Holy Spirit. That word came into my mind: ‘Know ye not that your bodies are temples of the Holy Ghost which dwelleth in you?’ And on penetrating a little into the wonders of the Person, and that he dwells or resides in the believer, I think simply that I have never been possessed to the same degree by reverential fears lest I should grieve him; and along with this I was brought to see one cause, and the chief cause, why this great sin has made such a slight impression and weighed so lightly upon my mind, on account of my base, blasphemous thoughts about so great a Person.
     This is the flow of my thoughts about the Persons of the Trinity. (I hear my mind being seized by shame, yet bound to speak out on account of the harmfulness of it.) I thought of the Person of the Father and the Son as coequal; but as for the Person of the Holy Spirit, I regarded him as a functionary subordinate to them. O what a fanciful, misguided view of a divine Person who is all-present, all-knowing, and all-powerful to carry on and complete the good work which he has begun in accordance with the covenant of free grace and the counsel of the Three in One on behalf of those who are the objects of the primal love. O for the privilege of being of their number.
     Dear sister, I feel a degree of thirst to increase in the belief in the personal indwelling of the Holy Spirit in my condition; and that through revelation, not imagination, thinking to comprehend the manner and the means, which is real idolatry.
     Dear sister, when I look a little at the inherent sinfulness of grieving the Holy Spirit, and on the other hand look into the depths of the great Fall and see myself wholly divested of all power to do anything but grieve him, I am indeed in a strait. But this word is on my mind: ‘Watch and pray’; as if the Lord were saying, ‘Although the commandment is so harsh, and thou art so powerless to accomplish one thing in a thousand there, on that ground, because of the state of thy mind, come forth, try the throne, for the fervent prayer of the righteous availeth much. My grace is sufficient for thee: my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Thanks always for a God who fulfils his promises!
     Dear sister, I should like to say much about the efficacy of secret prayer, but you know more than I can say about it; but I am fully convinced that it much surpasses a host of armed men for facing enemies. I know from experience of finding myself surrounded by enemies and having nothing to do but that: ‘And I give myself unto prayer.’; and that answering the purpose by causing them to fall backwards. O for the privilege of being under the detailed dispensations of the Holy Spirit. I think quite simply that a dispensation less detailed than in that word will never fit my condition: ‘I will water it every moment.’ Thanks always for a Bible which fits a condition that has sunk so deep!
     Dear sister, it is such a great privilege that one’s condition can be found reflected in God’s Word. O to hold it up to the holy mirror to the end of making use of a Mediator.
     One thing in particular on my mind last night with regard to finding one’s condition in the Word. R.J. spoke very valuably as regards matter, and there was I so dry, so far away as regards my experience. Neither law nor gospel had any effect on me, and this brought a degree of fear into my mind, failing to think I could find my condition in the Word, because law and gospel were seemingly useless. That word came into my mind: ‘Go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock’; and I failing to see the footsteps of the flock in that situation. But that word came into my mind with light and warmth: ‘Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south.’ Thanks always for the rock of the Word to set foot on to start, and the impossibility of starting without that.
     Dear sister, I see more need than ever to spend my remaining days in giving myself up daily and continually, body and soul, into the care of him who ‘is able to keep that which is given unto him against that day’. Not to give myself once, but to live constantly giving myself, right up to and in the moment when I put away this tabernacle.
     Dear sister, the thought of putting it away is particularly sweet sometimes. I can say that this is what cheers me more than anything else these days – not death in itself, but the great gain that is to be got through it: to be able to leave behind every inclination that goes against the will of God, to leave behind every ability to dishonour the law of God, every weakness being swallowed up by strength, to become fully conformed to the law which is already on our heart, and to enjoy God’s likeness for ever.
     Dear sister, I am sometimes swallowed up so much into these things that I completely fail to stand in the way of my duty with regard to temporal things, but look for the time when I may find release and ‘be with Christ, for it is very much better’, although it is very good here through the lattice, and the Lord sometimes reveals ‘through a glass, darkly,’ as much of his glory as my weak faculties can bear.
     Dear sister, I am glad to say this in conclusion. (I should like to say it with thankfulness.) Despite all my corruption, and the device of hell, the world and its objects, through God’s goodness alone I have not changed the object of my love until tonight; but rather I desire from my heart to ‘rest in his love and to be glad in him always with singing’, although I cannot attain to this in the slightest degree on this side of death except by violence.
     Dear beloved sister, I particularly desire you to send to me with speed; do not refuse me; I shall not be able to help taking it unkindly if you do. Ruth wishes to be remembered kindly to you. I have nothing in particular to send to you by way of news except this, that there is abroad a certain spirit of ‘hoping all things’ to see signs of the restoration of Rachel Pugh.
     And this from your dear sister, swiftly journeying through a world of time to the great world which lasts forever,

ANN THOMAS


Wholly counter to my nature
Is the path ordained for me;
Yet I’ll tread it, yes, and calmly,
While thy precious face I see;
Count the cross a crown, and bear it,
Cheerful live ’mid all life’s woes —
This the Way which, straight though tangled,
To the heavenly city goes.

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